Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
