through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
