We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
