I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
