what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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