i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
