I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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