i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
