Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
