I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize