if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
