I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
