A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
