Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
