I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
