i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
