Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
