Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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