i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
