I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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