My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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