Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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