my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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