we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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