Don't make out with my wife yet
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
