Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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