Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
