My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
