Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
