What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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