what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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