Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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