Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
