did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
