What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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