Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
