I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
