I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
