I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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