I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
