she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
