so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
