Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
