so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
