dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
