Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
