yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
