just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
