glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
