I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
