woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
