last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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