if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
