I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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