At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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