That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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