I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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