Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
