You made me cry and you don't even care
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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