and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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