with your own penis?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
