So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
