If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
