I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize