Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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