I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
