I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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