Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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