I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
