Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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