I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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