Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
