Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize