There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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