I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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