He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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