youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
