Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
