Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
