I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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