I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
