Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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