I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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