....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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