I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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