no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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