Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
