Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
