Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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