well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
