I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
