he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
