There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
