$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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