I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
