like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
