Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
