Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
