whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
